Ok...so, some changes happened.
First, I decided to change the name of this weekly weird article posting to The Weekly Weird and to kick off the new and improved, I'm going to do nothing but weird shit from the state I call home. Weird as F*ck Florida with it's methed-up, coked-up, and cracked-up Florida Peeps. Okay, mostly our beloved Florida Man. We also have other crazy things here...like weird cryptids, other than Skunk Ape, but we do got a lot of Skunk Apes (and some of them may have formed a religious order). Seriously, my new writing project has me looking at all kinds of stuff like that. But we do have some seriously weird other cryptids, like supposedly for real living water dino in the St. John's River and gargoyles (or could it be a Mothman—oh please be a Mothman, please be a Mothman!) in Zephyrhills. We've heard there have been gnome sightings in Lake Wales at Bok Tower, so we are going to take a trip there next month to check it out, and on the way there, we will also check out this road where a Sasquatch was sighted in 2018. If we have time. If not, we may check it out during the trip or on the way home. But enough of that. Florida is definitely one Weirdshitsville state and even though I have only seen one UFO here (maybe a couple others I can't be sure of) and have never seen cryptids here or anywhere else (something large and scary did chase me and my cousins down by the creek where I lived, maybe that was a large hog that got loose from the neighbors farm, and Ohio is another Weirdshitsville state, fer shur) I have had experiences with paranormal weird shit here. So, forgive me if the idea of aliens and cryptids don't freak me out like they used to. Florida people being weird? Well...that freaks me out a little bit. Just a little... But not as much as some of their claims do. See the following... Florida woman still thinks she saw dinosaur in backyard video (Ok, watch the video. WATCH IT AGAIN. SEE THAT SHIT? Ok, who let that bastard John Hammond play with the chemistry set again? Wherever Palm Coast is...I ain't goin'!) Florida man worried about vampires burns down his house, police say (I get that a lot of Florida People stuff is mental illness, and that's sad. It's also true that every state in the union has their Florida People, except Florida has a pretty open policy about reporting the public in journalism, more so than other states, so you hear about our people more than you do people from other states. If you just read the headline, it's pretty funny... but the article. Man, that poor guy needs some help. Don't read the article. It's just too fucking sad. Mr. Weaver is one of the reasons why I won't stop fighting hard for socialized medical care in this country.) Florida man twerks for officers during traffic stop, gets tased, report says (Well...now...this one is sorta funny.) “I Lost My Marbles” Florida Woman Tries To Steal Fire Engine After Consuming Magic Potion (She said she had taken the "Elixir of Life." Someone needs to alert Nicholas Flamel that once again someone is trying to steal his shit. Joking aside, drug use is also a serious problem here, and this seems to be the case. WWaSD? (What Would a Socialist Do?) Make drugs legal and therapy for quitting them free and easily accessible. Make the stigma for using them and the stigma for mental illness itself go bye-bye. (HINT: It's probably what that dude Jesus would do too.) Sheriff: Florida mother shot burglar who entered home because 'dinosaurs were chasing him' (Yes, Virginia, and Ohio, and Illinois...there are Dinosaurs in Florida! So...Stop moving here! Create jobs in your states, please! I'm just kidding. C'mon down, the water's fine... Ask this guy...)
Okay...these next three are the best!
Florida man arrested for DUI after mistaking bank drive-thru for Taco Bell ("Upon waking up, the driver asked the bank manager for a burrito before driving away after being informed he was not at Taco Bell." This guy! LMAO! He was probably stoned too.) Florida man breaks into neighbor's home to pet their cat (Ok...ya gotta admit this was also kinda cute. Creepy as hell, yes. But the dude likes cats. Still...He probably wasn't there just for pet therapy.) Florida Man Attacks Mom's Boyfriend with Samurai Sword over Can of Missing Shrimp (Do. Not. Fuck. With. A. Samurai. Over anything. They'll go Roronoa Zoro on your ass.)
That's all for this week, weirdos.
Until next time... You know the drill! STAY WEIRD!
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Lots of animals in the news this week again, cute and weird and some of both.
Let's jump right in to this week's weird shit: Lost dog reunited with owner after taking solo ride on city bus (This is cute. Also weird. How did the dog get on the bus without the driver thinking it was weird. Must've slipped on at someone else's heels and driver thought it was a support animal. But it's a cool story, regardless.) Jar of Elvis Presley's hair auctioned for $72,500 (This is just creepy and weird. I mean, I know people loved the guy...but damn.) Stowaway gecko takes 4,000-mile trip in traveler's bra (Okay, there's probably better ways to go on a free trip somewhere.... Honestly, I can't think of one though. Thumbs up, l'il pervy gecko.) Florida man fed up with potholes plants banana tree in road (Okay, for once here's a GREAT Florida Man headline...and article. Apparently, the people who live and have businesses on this "private" road need to take care of the potholes and no-one is doing it. Too busy feeding off the blood of the working class, no doubt.) Landlord finds 19 tarantulas, 1 python left behind by tenant (Dude, seriously? People who have exotic pets and abandon them are the World's Hugest Assholes. But yeah, not a joy to find that, I bet. Good thing the landlord likes Spiders and Snakes. Thinking of an old, old 50's song...) The following headline is my own, because there's no news report of this...only what I found on NUFORC (National UFO Reporting Center). Commercial Pilot Reports Seeing 3 Cylindrical UFOs in Jacksonville, Florida (Jet Blue anonymous pilot reports. Pretty cool and detailed report from a credible witness.) I hope you all have a fantastic week. Stay weird af. I had a very busy week and didn't have time after work to look for weird articles. I had a book I was working on for my side-hustle editing gig and it had to get done. I was also working on my own stuff. I was also very stressed out by life and needed to take a break and go see some trees, and water, and critters. So I put together another "lazy day images post" of some of my favorite weird images. Sorry. Articles will make a return soon. I got a new Chromebook to work on when we go to Lake Wales next month on our search for the gnomes that are supposed to be at Bok Tower. We'll also be looking for UFOs. I'll be using it to blog to this site about our trip. My Samsung Galaxy does not blog well and that is unfortunate. Til then please enjoy this lazy ass post. This past week that was offered up a stinking pile of weird wooly Mongolian Worm poo. Or something like that. Maybe not, but there were four-legged whales. Take that, you basic cryptid bitches.
Creepy things people have found while exploring the sea - from a giant eyeball to a lost village (Yeah, lots of weird shit going on in the waters this week. Well, any week, really. From the aforementioned whale to these giant eyeballs and a lost village. Wait...lost village? Altantis, anyone? Probably not, but some of this shit in this article is fah-reeeeky!) Virginia man wins $1M lottery prize seven years after $2.5M jackpot (Ok, this kind of news isn't weird. It just pisses me off. Not that I play the lottery with any regularity anymore. It's as much of a lost cause as the US having decent politicians. I mean, I started a Stash account for fuck's sake...because my only decent shot at retiring out in New Mex or Arizona (or some other weirdshitsville state where I can relax and write and bogey hunt to my heart's content while I can still get around okay depends on my learning to play the stock market and having an extra Roth IRA. Why the hell's he still playing if he won 2.5 mil already?) North Carolina couple win $997,400 with identical lottery tickets (Well, I'm not as legit pissed at this couple. What are the odds, eh? They won almost a mil together. I hope they retire. AND NEVER PLAY THE LOTTERY AGAIN. Save some for the rest of us. I mean, with luck like that...) Nine escaped wolf-dog hybrids captured in North Carolina (Do you want a Beast of Bray Road situation? Because that's how you get a Beast of Bray Road! Not really, but it sounded good, and wolf-dog hybrids are kind of just wrong. Sorry, not sorry. Pitbulls, okay...but this is not okay IMO.) Backseat cows spotted in Wisconsin McDonald's drive-through line (Rumor has it they tried to order a McHuman Sandwich. What the world needs now is man-eating cows. Then Earth and it's modern madness would be complete.) Scientists Discover Fossil Of A 4-Legged Whale With A Raptor-Like Eating Style (That's right. 4-legged whales. With raptor teeth. It only went extinct 43 million years ago. And people claim to still see plesiosaurs in deep lakes all over the world (Nessie, Champ, etc.) Plesiosaurs went extinct 66 million years ago. So, maybe all these lake monsters are raptor whales. Carnivorous raptor whales with LEGS. Hope you're not reading this at bedtime. YIKES.) Persephone, the robot guide, leads visitors in a Greek cave (Yeah...this won't end well. Just sayin'.) Well, that's all the weird shit I have for you this week. 'Til next time...stay strange and unusual. It was a week beyond weird. This week served up some extra servings of "What the Actual F%&#!!" Let's not wait for our flesh to become bones, then...
Saturn's insides are sloshing around. (And here we thought Earth might be special...if it was all hollow and shit. Saturn's all like "I wear my oceans on the inside! Top that, bitches!") Man claims hotel needs visit from the Ghost Busters after birthday trip (From the article: "He first complained of the Blackpool establishment's beer tasting like 'water', but then his paranoia took hold and he insisted the hotel needed 'the ghost busters'. The spooked-out guest reported hearing noises on the ceiling and in the toilet at 2am in the morning and claimed there was someone standing by his door 'trying to get in'." Actually, the beer was probably better than he thought. But maybe there's ghosts, too.) How life on Earth could end - sun expanding, rogue planets, robot riots and the 'Big Rip' (The Big Rip...the Universe farts us all out of existence. Or worse—sharts! G*d damn you, Taco Bell. It's not what it is, but I couldn't resist. The robot riots sound cool. When does Arnold Schwarzenegger go bionic so he can help?) Nurse warned she is ‘too skinny’ for boob job plans to double cup size anyway (Hon, take it from a natural 52 DDD... Don't. Just don't. Your back will thank you when your mid-50s hit.) Sea Snakes Don’t Attack People Because They’re Angry — They’re Just Horny (You read that right. If horny dolphins aren't enough, now we have horny snakes. Kinda makes me glad I don't swim. Someone should get these poor things a dating app. Slindr?) That's all for this week, weirdoes. But I'll leave you with one extra goodie link. Some soul with more time on their hands than human companionship (bless 'em) went and found almost every weird-ass article Wikipedia has to offer. Some of these are the mutha-effing GOAT. Well, but it starts off with a pig. Until next time... Enjoy! Stay fuckin' weird. 10 Insanely Weird Wikipedia Articles You Should Read This is MUFON Case #117333. From Trenton, NJ. This person filing the report left this message: "My dog was barking very loudly this morning standing by the door. i thought maybe a burglar was trying to get into my house. i checked to see what i captured from my security camera & this is what i saw i couldn't beleive what i was seeing. recorded on aug 17 2021 at 3:15am eastern time." What his camera caught was very interesting indeed. Fido ain't playing with no alien orbs! Good dog! If there weren't many weird things happening the week before, the past week more than made up for it.
Lost of UFO sightings too. Not surprising since we're supposed to have contact this week. Again. I am skeptical because I've seen it before, but I hope it is and I hope it is true that they are here to save us common people from our shitty ass governments and the rich people trying to destroy the planet. I really hope that. At least one big name in UFO world is supposedly going. A skeptic has been invited, said he doesn't want to go, but we'll see. We'll see if it actually happens without our stinking gov putting a stopper in it. The person in charge of it has been very vocal about meeting places and stuff. It's all very public too. I swear if something doesn't give before I die, I'm coming back as a Gray, just to abduct the rich people killing the planet and butt probing them. You're welcome. I'm joking, of course. I'm supposed to be trying to forgive everyone right now...but damn it sure is hard. I can forgive the persons who have hurt me personally in this life easier than I can forgive those who are killing people and animals on this beautiful world for money. Enough of that. Perhaps if all of this "contact" business is true, they will be dealt with in time, hating them now does no good for the soul. OMMMMMMM.... On to the weirdness for the week that was: Ghostbuster' falls through roof of abandoned Buffalo train (Sometimes being a paranormal investigator ain't what it's cracked up to be.) Two planes report 'bright green UFO' swooping through the clouds over Canada (Here's just one of the weird UFO sightings that took place this past week. There were many.) Scientists transform water into shiny, golden metal (In other news, alchemy makes a comeback. No word on whether these scientists practiced equivalent exchange with their experiment, and if not, if they are now missing any body parts. Anime fans get me, right? Boys and girls, don't try this at home.) Bad Stuff that has Happened on Friday the 13th (What they left out. Hurricane Charley, a Category 4 hurricane, hit near Anna Maria and Caya Costa, Florida on August 13th, 2004. I remember that one. I still cry to this day remembering how terrified I was that it would hit our city directly.) Snake on a plane removed at airport in India (Cue Sam L. Jackson. Ahem.) Alligator caught on camera crossing Pennsylvania road (All kinds of stories this week about gators being found up north where they don't belong. Hey, tourists! Stop taking little ones home with you! I think the fine for stealing baby gators needs to be raised to like...$1 million. I'm not joking. Leave them alone. Dumb asses. And they make fun of Florida people for being stupid??? Some gall, that is.) Ok...that's enough weird for this week. Til next time, get on with your weird selves! Instead of weird news this week, I'm doing something a little different and posting some weird images. I am under-the-deadline gun and trying to get things done for my part-time side hustle. I really did not have time to look for weird articles this week. Plus I was sick one day last week and was kind of sick the day before and day after as well. I found a bunch of weird images on the search for images that I do sometimes on this site. Been saving them for just such a moment as this when I've lots more work to get done and too little time to do it in. I'm also rearranging and adding some things to my online multimodal poetry chapbook. I'm a busy girl. Never mind me being worn out from sick and having some of the strangest dreams in my life. Life moves on. At its pace, and not mine. I hope you enjoy this bizarre little picture gallery as much as I enjoyed putting it together. And remember, if Skinny Bob approaches you with a plateful of Amanita muscaria, just say NO! There's better ways of reaching a higher level of consciousness. Just kiddin'. Do what you want. Just be careful doing it. Til next week... Stay weird af. Little bit more weirdness involving animals this week. Animals can be downright strange. Especially new ones (cryptids, looking at you all!) There's plenty of weird this week to go around for humans too, though.
On with the show! Goose flying upside down is simply showing off, say experts ("Look at me, Ma! I'm flying upside down!" Braggart.) Freaky ‘Penis Snakes’ Have Finally Made It to the U.S., and of Course They Chose Florida (Of course they did.) Man in Floating Hamster Wheel Washes Ashore in Florida ("Baluchi, 49, had been attempting the unbelievable task of walking from Florida to New York across the Atlantic Ocean. He set off on his oceanic journey from St. Augustine on July 23, but less than a day later he ran into some issues... Baluchi later told CNN that his tracking device started acting up, and his backup tracker had been stolen. As a result, he had no choice but to return to dry land." Okay...who stole it? My bet is on the underwater aliens. Yup. It was totally the underwater aliens. Mysterious Bug Bites Plague Virginians (It's been a weird summer. I got bit by something earlier this year that gave me a horrid rash on my lower arms and upper legs. Be careful out there.) Inside the 'haunted' castle where ghost of girl whispers 'don't tell them' to visitors (I can hear Val-chan saying "Cool!" right now. Someday, maybe we'll visit here. My ancestry is Welsh and it would be cool to visit there. I'll add it to the 'Weird Sh!t Bucket List' for sure.) Woman shares incredible artwork by her DOG that's left the internet shook (Okay, it's time for humans to give up. F**kin' dogs are channeling Picasso now.) And in the tradition of saving the best for last... Pilots in Los Angeles warned after possible sighting of man wearing jetpack (This is strange as f**k! What do you make of it? New cryptid? Jetpackman has a nice ring to it! UFO? Have the aliens gotten creative and are flying around now? You know, it's been said that if we humans could tap into unused parts of our brains we could learn to fly...maybe someone has done that? I dunno but it looks pretty cool, not that I could do it with my fear of heights issue, but dang...might have to try getting over that for a golddang JETPACK because that would be sweet! My bet's on aliens though. Always.) That's it for this week's weird sh!t. Until next week, stay weird... Let's dig right into the weird news of the week:
Dolphins ‘deliberately get high’ on puffer fish nerve toxins by carefully chewing and passing them around (F**ckin' hippy dolphins and their hippy "puffer" fish joints. Probably listening to old 60s acid rock, too. They don't even have dolphin school or dolphin jobs to get expelled or fired from. Bastards. I'm not jealous or nothin'. No way.) This Nighttime Drone Shot of a Futuristic City Is Actually a Sea Urchin (Atlas Obscura always has the coolest shit, so when I ran into this I knew I had to post it, even though it is from July 12th. I love all things microcosm. I wrote a poem once about a small civilization of tiny things living on the head of a matchstick that feared their fire gods. I see the first article as an example of a microcosm of dolphins mimicking our drug culture. I could look at things like this, and fractals, and think about them for hours.) Students Are Getting Paid to Poop at a South Korean University (And you thought you had a shit job.) Found: An 18th-Century Garden Folly Adorned With Teeth and Bones (Leave it to Atlas Obscura to find me something new to add to my Weird Sh!t Bucket List. I actually found two things. This and a strange site in Titusville, Florida. Next up! Windover Archeological Site ("A swamp that was the site of prehistoric water burials also managed to preserve its corpses for millennia." Hell yes! This place probably oozes (literally) paranormal. Since this is in Florida, it's pretty doable for the near future for the Weird Sh!t Bucket List.) British library apologizes for hiring 'rainbow dildo butt monkey' for kids’ event (Seriously, humans. This is why the aliens won't reveal themselves to us and why they abduct us and...sigh...never mind. I laughed, too. Obviously. I mean, that's a pretty funny headline. Every time I see a headline like that, I say: That's the name of my next band!) Enjoy your week, you weirdos. |
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