Ok...so, some changes happened.
First, I decided to change the name of this weekly weird article posting to The Weekly Weird and to kick off the new and improved, I'm going to do nothing but weird shit from the state I call home. Weird as F*ck Florida with it's methed-up, coked-up, and cracked-up Florida Peeps. Okay, mostly our beloved Florida Man. We also have other crazy things here...like weird cryptids, other than Skunk Ape, but we do got a lot of Skunk Apes (and some of them may have formed a religious order). Seriously, my new writing project has me looking at all kinds of stuff like that. But we do have some seriously weird other cryptids, like supposedly for real living water dino in the St. John's River and gargoyles (or could it be a Mothman—oh please be a Mothman, please be a Mothman!) in Zephyrhills. We've heard there have been gnome sightings in Lake Wales at Bok Tower, so we are going to take a trip there next month to check it out, and on the way there, we will also check out this road where a Sasquatch was sighted in 2018. If we have time. If not, we may check it out during the trip or on the way home. But enough of that. Florida is definitely one Weirdshitsville state and even though I have only seen one UFO here (maybe a couple others I can't be sure of) and have never seen cryptids here or anywhere else (something large and scary did chase me and my cousins down by the creek where I lived, maybe that was a large hog that got loose from the neighbors farm, and Ohio is another Weirdshitsville state, fer shur) I have had experiences with paranormal weird shit here. So, forgive me if the idea of aliens and cryptids don't freak me out like they used to. Florida people being weird? Well...that freaks me out a little bit. Just a little... But not as much as some of their claims do. See the following... Florida woman still thinks she saw dinosaur in backyard video (Ok, watch the video. WATCH IT AGAIN. SEE THAT SHIT? Ok, who let that bastard John Hammond play with the chemistry set again? Wherever Palm Coast is...I ain't goin'!) Florida man worried about vampires burns down his house, police say (I get that a lot of Florida People stuff is mental illness, and that's sad. It's also true that every state in the union has their Florida People, except Florida has a pretty open policy about reporting the public in journalism, more so than other states, so you hear about our people more than you do people from other states. If you just read the headline, it's pretty funny... but the article. Man, that poor guy needs some help. Don't read the article. It's just too fucking sad. Mr. Weaver is one of the reasons why I won't stop fighting hard for socialized medical care in this country.) Florida man twerks for officers during traffic stop, gets tased, report says (Well...now...this one is sorta funny.) “I Lost My Marbles” Florida Woman Tries To Steal Fire Engine After Consuming Magic Potion (She said she had taken the "Elixir of Life." Someone needs to alert Nicholas Flamel that once again someone is trying to steal his shit. Joking aside, drug use is also a serious problem here, and this seems to be the case. WWaSD? (What Would a Socialist Do?) Make drugs legal and therapy for quitting them free and easily accessible. Make the stigma for using them and the stigma for mental illness itself go bye-bye. (HINT: It's probably what that dude Jesus would do too.) Sheriff: Florida mother shot burglar who entered home because 'dinosaurs were chasing him' (Yes, Virginia, and Ohio, and Illinois...there are Dinosaurs in Florida! So...Stop moving here! Create jobs in your states, please! I'm just kidding. C'mon down, the water's fine... Ask this guy...)
Okay...these next three are the best!
Florida man arrested for DUI after mistaking bank drive-thru for Taco Bell ("Upon waking up, the driver asked the bank manager for a burrito before driving away after being informed he was not at Taco Bell." This guy! LMAO! He was probably stoned too.) Florida man breaks into neighbor's home to pet their cat (Ok...ya gotta admit this was also kinda cute. Creepy as hell, yes. But the dude likes cats. Still...He probably wasn't there just for pet therapy.) Florida Man Attacks Mom's Boyfriend with Samurai Sword over Can of Missing Shrimp (Do. Not. Fuck. With. A. Samurai. Over anything. They'll go Roronoa Zoro on your ass.)
That's all for this week, weirdos.
Until next time... You know the drill! STAY WEIRD!
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Lots of animals in the news this week again, cute and weird and some of both.
Let's jump right in to this week's weird shit: Lost dog reunited with owner after taking solo ride on city bus (This is cute. Also weird. How did the dog get on the bus without the driver thinking it was weird. Must've slipped on at someone else's heels and driver thought it was a support animal. But it's a cool story, regardless.) Jar of Elvis Presley's hair auctioned for $72,500 (This is just creepy and weird. I mean, I know people loved the guy...but damn.) Stowaway gecko takes 4,000-mile trip in traveler's bra (Okay, there's probably better ways to go on a free trip somewhere.... Honestly, I can't think of one though. Thumbs up, l'il pervy gecko.) Florida man fed up with potholes plants banana tree in road (Okay, for once here's a GREAT Florida Man headline...and article. Apparently, the people who live and have businesses on this "private" road need to take care of the potholes and no-one is doing it. Too busy feeding off the blood of the working class, no doubt.) Landlord finds 19 tarantulas, 1 python left behind by tenant (Dude, seriously? People who have exotic pets and abandon them are the World's Hugest Assholes. But yeah, not a joy to find that, I bet. Good thing the landlord likes Spiders and Snakes. Thinking of an old, old 50's song...) The following headline is my own, because there's no news report of this...only what I found on NUFORC (National UFO Reporting Center). Commercial Pilot Reports Seeing 3 Cylindrical UFOs in Jacksonville, Florida (Jet Blue anonymous pilot reports. Pretty cool and detailed report from a credible witness.) I hope you all have a fantastic week. Stay weird af. I had a very busy week and didn't have time after work to look for weird articles. I had a book I was working on for my side-hustle editing gig and it had to get done. I was also working on my own stuff. I was also very stressed out by life and needed to take a break and go see some trees, and water, and critters. So I put together another "lazy day images post" of some of my favorite weird images. Sorry. Articles will make a return soon. I got a new Chromebook to work on when we go to Lake Wales next month on our search for the gnomes that are supposed to be at Bok Tower. We'll also be looking for UFOs. I'll be using it to blog to this site about our trip. My Samsung Galaxy does not blog well and that is unfortunate. Til then please enjoy this lazy ass post. This past week that was offered up a stinking pile of weird wooly Mongolian Worm poo. Or something like that. Maybe not, but there were four-legged whales. Take that, you basic cryptid bitches.
Creepy things people have found while exploring the sea - from a giant eyeball to a lost village (Yeah, lots of weird shit going on in the waters this week. Well, any week, really. From the aforementioned whale to these giant eyeballs and a lost village. Wait...lost village? Altantis, anyone? Probably not, but some of this shit in this article is fah-reeeeky!) Virginia man wins $1M lottery prize seven years after $2.5M jackpot (Ok, this kind of news isn't weird. It just pisses me off. Not that I play the lottery with any regularity anymore. It's as much of a lost cause as the US having decent politicians. I mean, I started a Stash account for fuck's sake...because my only decent shot at retiring out in New Mex or Arizona (or some other weirdshitsville state where I can relax and write and bogey hunt to my heart's content while I can still get around okay depends on my learning to play the stock market and having an extra Roth IRA. Why the hell's he still playing if he won 2.5 mil already?) North Carolina couple win $997,400 with identical lottery tickets (Well, I'm not as legit pissed at this couple. What are the odds, eh? They won almost a mil together. I hope they retire. AND NEVER PLAY THE LOTTERY AGAIN. Save some for the rest of us. I mean, with luck like that...) Nine escaped wolf-dog hybrids captured in North Carolina (Do you want a Beast of Bray Road situation? Because that's how you get a Beast of Bray Road! Not really, but it sounded good, and wolf-dog hybrids are kind of just wrong. Sorry, not sorry. Pitbulls, okay...but this is not okay IMO.) Backseat cows spotted in Wisconsin McDonald's drive-through line (Rumor has it they tried to order a McHuman Sandwich. What the world needs now is man-eating cows. Then Earth and it's modern madness would be complete.) Scientists Discover Fossil Of A 4-Legged Whale With A Raptor-Like Eating Style (That's right. 4-legged whales. With raptor teeth. It only went extinct 43 million years ago. And people claim to still see plesiosaurs in deep lakes all over the world (Nessie, Champ, etc.) Plesiosaurs went extinct 66 million years ago. So, maybe all these lake monsters are raptor whales. Carnivorous raptor whales with LEGS. Hope you're not reading this at bedtime. YIKES.) Persephone, the robot guide, leads visitors in a Greek cave (Yeah...this won't end well. Just sayin'.) Well, that's all the weird shit I have for you this week. 'Til next time...stay strange and unusual. It was a week beyond weird. This week served up some extra servings of "What the Actual F%&#!!" Let's not wait for our flesh to become bones, then...
Saturn's insides are sloshing around. (And here we thought Earth might be special...if it was all hollow and shit. Saturn's all like "I wear my oceans on the inside! Top that, bitches!") Man claims hotel needs visit from the Ghost Busters after birthday trip (From the article: "He first complained of the Blackpool establishment's beer tasting like 'water', but then his paranoia took hold and he insisted the hotel needed 'the ghost busters'. The spooked-out guest reported hearing noises on the ceiling and in the toilet at 2am in the morning and claimed there was someone standing by his door 'trying to get in'." Actually, the beer was probably better than he thought. But maybe there's ghosts, too.) How life on Earth could end - sun expanding, rogue planets, robot riots and the 'Big Rip' (The Big Rip...the Universe farts us all out of existence. Or worse—sharts! G*d damn you, Taco Bell. It's not what it is, but I couldn't resist. The robot riots sound cool. When does Arnold Schwarzenegger go bionic so he can help?) Nurse warned she is ‘too skinny’ for boob job plans to double cup size anyway (Hon, take it from a natural 52 DDD... Don't. Just don't. Your back will thank you when your mid-50s hit.) Sea Snakes Don’t Attack People Because They’re Angry — They’re Just Horny (You read that right. If horny dolphins aren't enough, now we have horny snakes. Kinda makes me glad I don't swim. Someone should get these poor things a dating app. Slindr?) That's all for this week, weirdoes. But I'll leave you with one extra goodie link. Some soul with more time on their hands than human companionship (bless 'em) went and found almost every weird-ass article Wikipedia has to offer. Some of these are the mutha-effing GOAT. Well, but it starts off with a pig. Until next time... Enjoy! Stay fuckin' weird. 10 Insanely Weird Wikipedia Articles You Should Read |
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